Tradition goes that women change their name to their husbands upon marriage. I as a little girl always assumed I would do the same. Until it came down to it.
Part of me loves tradition the other part of me wants to break away from tradition and start new ones, bend the rules a little.
It is the only thing Ryan and I have had any issues with, trying to decide what to do when it comes down to name change. I don’t see my self as Mrs Hackel which I know has been a very hard thing for him to understand. While I don’t want to be Hackel I don’t wish to be Moseley either. The dilemma continues.
So many guys are so expectant of their future wife to take their name when the suggestion of doing something different comes up it’s hard for them to take, and I completely understand why. Tradition has always stated women take their husbands name at marriage. It has always been that way. I can see how it feels like the wife to be is rejecting their family heritage. Often they can be the last one to carry on their families names which can be hard when their wife to be doesn’t want to take on their name.
When speaking with friends girls all seem to become very feminist with the yeah why should we give up our names, where as men are like woah you take his name or hyphenate like there is no other option.
I in no way want to reject his family by name. His family are so incredible nice and understanding and supporting of our situation I don’t wish to upset them.
When a family’s children are all girls, they never get to carry on their family name. It’s something we are subconsciously accepting of. But why should we be? Why is it the idea of keeping our our family name so hard for some people to understand? Our whole lives that name is our identity and we are expected to just give it up? If men were asked to give their name up to take their wife’s name would they have all the same issues girls have?
Our name is our identity. No one wants to give it up unless they really don’t like their original name! I can’t say I was ever a huge fan of my surname but it was what links me and my sister together beyond the obvious family connection.
Hyphenating was never an option in my mind. Our names don’t follow one another well, nor do I want a name thats such a mouthful. If I went to the replacing my middle name with my original surname it would always end up as Mrs Hackel which defeats the whole point of the conversation.
The Solution… Meshing
We had a lot of long talks and achieved the most perfect compromise. Meshing. Combining both names into a brand new one.
I love what it stands for. The merging of the two families, creating our own new family name. Showing both of us as equal within the relationship. It is more than just a name it’s our new identity as a married couple.
I knew how much the ‘Hack’ part meant to him, he is often called that by friends so I wanted that to be included in our name. Nothing in my name has huge meaning for me in the same way it does for him but I have always liked the way the ‘eley’ is written. We agreed one a new name which incorporates both our names including the parts which are important to both of us. Essentially his whole name in in there while mine is only partial but I see it as half and half.
Pronounced Hack- lee
Others who previously were in the ‘male you have to take his name or hyphenate’ now think that our idea is so clever and so modern. The girls think its such a great way to make it equal.